Toddler Screaming: Why It Happens and What Helps

The happy shriek in the grocery store. The angry scream when the block falls. The scream that seems to come from nowhere. Your ears are ringing and you want it to stop. Here is what is going on.

Why toddlers scream so much

Screaming is one of the loudest parts of toddlerhood, and it almost always has a reason, even when you cannot see it. The common ones:

• They found their voice. A toddler who discovers they can make a huge sound will test it, a lot, just to hear it.
• Excitement. Some screams are pure joy with no volume control.
• Frustration with no words. When they cannot say it, they scream it.
• It works. A scream gets everyone's attention instantly. Toddlers notice that.
• Overload. Noisy, crowded, or tired, and the scream is the overflow.

Figure out which scream it is

A joyful shriek and a frustrated scream need different responses. Watch what happens just before it. Was your child excited, stuck, ignored, or overwhelmed? After a few days, most parents can tell the difference, and that makes it much easier to respond to the need instead of the noise.

What helps in the moment

• Go quiet yourself. Kneel down and whisper. Many toddlers lower their volume to hear you. Yelling stop screaming tends to add to the noise.
• Name the need. You are so excited. Or, you are frustrated, the block keeps falling. Then show them what to do instead.
• Give them the words. Say help please. Say stop. Practice the words in the moment so the next time they have another option.
• Keep your reaction small for attention screams. A calm, brief response, and then lots of warm attention when they use a regular voice.

Teach volume as a game

When everyone is calm, play with volume. Use an inside voice, an outside voice, and a mouse voice, and take turns. Whisper a song, then sing it loud outside. Toddlers learn volume control much faster through play than through being told to be quiet. Then you can say, mouse voice please, in the moment, and it means something.

And give the big voice a place. Screaming at the park or in the backyard can be allowed. A toddler who has somewhere to be loud often needs to be loud less everywhere else.

When to check in with your pediatrician

Mention it to your pediatrician if your child screams instead of using words and is not adding new words over time, does not seem to respond when you talk to them from behind or across the room, seems to be in pain when screaming, or if the screaming is constant and nothing seems to settle it. A hearing or speech check is quick and can rule a lot out. This is general information, not medical advice, and Joura is not for emergencies.

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